Here is a list of my favourite songs which are officially terrible, as in you would not stick them on if you brought a date home but would hide the albums in your wash basket with your soiled grots rather than admit you owned them. My bete noire Ciaran would suggest that everything I listen to is terrible, but as his favourite band is Hayseed Dixie he can go whistle.
Godley & Creme - Cry
Famous for it's hideous shape shifting video and Kevin Godley's massive beard if this was recorded by Radiohead it would be a lighters aloft weepy anthem instead of hogging the bargain bins. Best bits are the really high pitch shift at the end and the strange spacious production which is quite at odds to the usual kitchen sink productions of most 80s pop, Dub-MOR if you will.
Touch - Don't You Know What Love Is / When The Spirit Moves You
Massive cheesy power pop/soft metal also rans, bizarrely produced by the Tim Friese-Greene who worked on Talk Talk's brilliant last two albums, the mortgage needed paying eh Tim? Everything is overblown but is oddly soulful in it's own grotesque way, much more Todd Rundgren than Bon Jovi. No one knows why it never happened for them but a disastrous performance at Donington where the bass player swallowed a bee on stage and had to be carted off to A+E probably didn't help...
Detective - One More Heartache
Zeppelin clones who were championed by Jimmy Page who was in the running to produce this album until heroin led apathy got the better of him. What else is there to say that the massive opening drum salvo doesn't say already? I have sampled this already for a tune so hands off!
The Cars ― Moving In Stereo
Know for dire cynical skinny tie cobblers, The Cars lead singer produced some surprisingly credible bands on the side including Suicide and Bad Brains. Their albums always had at least one droning electronic Suicide tribute amid the fluff, this being the best example. Everything is so icy and riddled with sang froid you feel the need to run out into the street and hug a stranger post listen in a desperate desire for human body heat. A note for our overseas students, this is not advised in Dalston or Brixton.
Cristina - Things Fall Apart
A bit of a cult classic this, for everyone who thinks Noel is a big pile of pig balls, doleful, oddly sexy vocal over metal guitars, what's not to like? The song sounds like the model from Kraftwerk's The Model got to write her own song. Makes sense as Cristina was a model and girlfriend of the millionaire owner of the label ZE which released this Christmas turkey to resounding lack of success. Features a description of everyone's classic Xmas party from hell:
The party was a huge success,
"But where should we go next?" they said.
They'd killed a tree of ninety-seven years,
And smothered it in lights and silver tears.
They all got wrecked, they laughed too loud,
I started to feel queasy in the crowd,
I grabbed a cab back to my flat,
And wept a bit,
And fed the cat.
Pavlov's Dog - Natchez Trace
Spectacular spaghetti AOR, a deranged clash between Journey's shrieking vocals and Sergio Leone guitars. The whole album is simultaneously repellent and addictive. The record company must have torn their hair and nashed their teeth at all these great songs being sung by a man whose balls had failed to drop. Featured a fat dog licking it's chops on the cover as if that would help matters.
Robert Fripp and Daryl Hall - North Star
A nightmarishly unlikely collaboration between the dark lord of prog rock guitar, King Crimson's Robert Fripp, and the crown prince of the blow dry/back comb Daryl Hall, 80's "soul" star, AKA the one without the tach' in Hall & Oates. Who knows how they met or why they chose to collaborate but this is a strangely lovely thing despite Hall's over singing, sounds at points like he's having a tilt at Pavlov's Dog's highest voice in AOR title.
Al Di Meola - Race With The Devil on a Spanish Highway
Steady ladies, remember women were powerless under the comb over and three piece suit (with weak chin disguising beard) combo in the 1970's. Dismissed as "prattle wank" by LSS tutor Ben Wood, bear in mind though that Ben dislikes anything in music unless it is three minutes long, sung by a white guy with a skinny tie and has a guitar going "a chak a chang" before a big chorus about luv. Whether the musicians saw it or not at the time jazz fusion is best approached with a healthy sense of comedy, so much talent and skill going into producing music of such idiocy. Then you can sit back and enjoy the cop show riffing, mach speed axework and terrific title.
Please note LSS will most definitely NOT teach you to produce any of this toss while studying with us (Editor)
Maningrey
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