People are annoying, as anyone caught in Monday's tube strike can attest, however one type stands like a colossus over all other beings when it comes to getting on ones goat..THE MUSICIAN!
Below is a list of things all musical people do which cause mental pain for us normals. "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone"...OK then:
Other members of a band who are not the singer mouthing the words to songs as they play.
Playing covers on London Underground to "entertain" commuters who look like they want to stab them.
Using words like "passionate' and "spiritual" when they talk about music.
Arriving late.
Saying they have no interest in money before selling all the tracks from their concept album about the Holocaust to advertise Special K.
Saying that "every other studio they have been in" lets them run over time without charging extra, eat flaky pasties over the mixer and order everybody about like they are their personal slaves...well fuck off to those studios then!
Having tattoos and torn clothing despite being neither a sailor or poor.
Playing expensive instruments despite being unable to strum an A chord.
Customising said expensive instruments to make them look older and more played..just play it doosh bag.
Testing out guitars in shops.
Saying they like "all music".
Saying their music is "hard to describe", it isn't, it sounds like Coldplay.
Saying they sound a bit like "Jamiroquai", like that's a good thing.
Pretending to be interested in politics and other people.
Pretending to be younger than they are.
Going on and on and on about how much they worship Bob Dylan, Bob Marley, Bobby Womack and if American, Bob Smith (The Cure).
Jamming in E.
Saying "what's wrong with a heavy blues jam?"
Saying music is "not about the technique but the feeling..maaan".
Conversely sending you videos of someone playing Mozart's Requiem on a triple neck sitar at 500 bpm like this is anything to do with music.
Having dreadlocks or saying "aks" when they are not black, street or in anyway rasta.
When successful appearing on Jools Holland.
"Discovering" someone you have listen to for years and droning on about them in the NME.
Being Damon Albarn.
Having hair and glasses like Morrissey.
Saying that music is "a universal language".
Closing their eyes when playing or singing.
Saying they have "connections" or "contacts" in the industry...they don't.
Saying they will produce you if you give them the publishing for all your songs.
Asking how to make their music "louder like on records".
Covering classic deathless songs so badly you wish to stick a screw driver in your ears every time you subsequently hear the original.
Wearing Misfits T-Shirts when they don't like the Misfits..who does?
Telling engineers to make their guitar "sound more purple".
Indie musicians who start listening to jazz and classical music and let this "influence" their "new direction".
Inviting you to their gigs.
Asking you what you thought of their gigs.
Making terrible music no one wants to hear, while the world slides towards capitalist totalitarian world government and the planet dies screaming.
maningrey
"People are annoying..."
ReplyDeleteSuccinct and apt.
So by your own definition and self-categorization you claim to be 'normal' because you are not musical. Okay, let us begin...
"Other members of a band who are not the singer mouthing the words to songs as they play."
Let me explain something, the lead singer isn't always responsible for writing lyrics and developing the vocal melody. This has obvious implications one of them being...other members of a band mouthing the words to the song as they play. You 'normals' must have been able to at least figure that much out.
"Playing covers on London Underground to "entertain" commuters who look like they want to stab them."
Those bastards, what gives them the right? I hate poor people as much as the next guy but you got to hand it to these "entertainers"... at least there out there being 'constructive' and 'earning a living'. Right...?
"Using words like "passionate' and "spiritual" when they talk about music."
Agreed. And 'eclectic'.
"Saying they have no interest in money before selling all the tracks from their concept album about the Holocaust to advertise Special K."
Perhaps they're 'normals' and not musicians after all. If you can't see how songs about torture, famine, and death are directly related to diet cereal then its your fault. It wasn't about the money it was a clever tie-in.
"Customising said expensive instruments to make them look older and more played..just play it doosh bag."
I believe it's douche bag and, agreed.
"Testing out guitars in shops."
Isn't that what guitar shops are for? Why in the world are you even there in the first place?
"Saying their music is "hard to describe", it isn't, it sounds like Coldplay."
Ironic that coldplay themselves are being sued for plagiarism. Which makes me wonder, is this entire post some self-ironic piss take? Furthermore, why you hanging out in studios and guitar stores when all music sounds like Coldlpay to you? Groupie? Failed musician? Dj (forgive the redundancy)?
"Jamming in E."
Lowest note on a standard tuned guitar and a great pedal note. Do you know by listening to a jam what key its in or do you ask? I myself don't have perfect pitch. You're a talented 'normal' or perhaps a doosh bag.
"Saying music is "not about the technique but the feeling..maaan"."
Technique first then feeling.
"Conversely sending you videos of someone playing Mozart's Requiem on a triple neck sitar at 500 bpm like this is anything to do with music."
Now feats of amazing technique bother you?
"Having dreadlocks or saying "aks" when they are not black, street or in anyway rasta."
Agreed!!!
"Saying that music is "a universal language"."
No. Sex is the universal language. Give it try with somebody or something. It may take the edge off, bear in mind inanimate objects don't have to consent.
"Saying they have "connections" or "contacts" in the industry...they don't."
Sadly nobody is 'connected' to or in the industry. Why do people lie to you? What are you bringing out in them? Do they feel insecure? Do you like putting people down? Does it give you a sort of false arrogance?
...
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ReplyDelete..."Asking how to make their music "louder like on records"."
Do you regularly work with clients? I can't figure out if you're an engineer or not. In an earlier blog you said something about things being too technical.
I can not possibly imagine you being successful as an engineer with this attitude. Do you want your musicians to shut up and play their instruments or have knowledge of the mastering process? Dedicate your brain cell to one opinion and stick to it. This contradictory post was intentional, it has to to have been.
As for food in the studio and being commanded around like a slave... 'no food near gear except for me' rule is standard. I can't imagine you getting any referrals let alone money. Clients and over-time... sometimes you have to make concessions, it helps get regular work.
Have you actually worked in the 'industry' or is this all speculation and regurgitated comments you've heard from hanging around engineers?
So, if you're surrounded by commuters who look like they want to stab somebody it may not be the 'entertainers' they're fantasizing about.
Seems your problem is you're fed up with children and yourself. I would like to reply to the rest of the blog by referring you to the title of your post while I wonder how you entries are germane.
Ah no, I agree, while everyone is generally annoying (myself included, which is why I never listen to what I say), musicians are unbearable, coming second on the list of things to avoid in life only to stage actors.
ReplyDeleteThere are many valid reasons for having to put up with them for a short amount of time (because you are getting paid, because you need a guitar solo on a record, or because someone has to go on tour and do interviews on TV, and it won't be me because I have important cartoons to watch).
So yeah, you can manage them, and even allow them to bring food in the studio - if you are a wimp.
But then again you can also tell them to fuck off, from time to time. The best part is that you don't even need to worry about offending anyone: they're artists, they're volatile, they'll be furious ...and then forget it in a moment, as soon as you change your tune and say (as if it was a truth that just came to you that very moment) that 'it's all about the feeling maan'.
Because people are annoying, but musicians are annoying and stupid.
And talented musicians are annoyingly stupid (as in it's annoying that they have to be so stupid, when instead they could be using their talent for good).
Go on, get yourself in to a frenzy and reply with caustic humour and intelligent observations, quoting my post line-by-line. Make my day.
"Go on, get yourself in to a frenzy and reply with caustic humour and intelligent observations, quoting my post line-by-line."
ReplyDelete:-D Ok.... Firstly, please address my enquiry as to if your're an engineer. Don't be ashamed. What do you do besides post asinine blogs? What do you get paid to do? It will go a long way in me not taking you seriously on a site I otherwise look forward to.
See, in vein with your reply I can only state that stupidity itself is annoying, really fucking annoying! What's worse is stupidity coupled with misplaced arrogance. That's what gets me worked up. Fine, we are all surrounded by it, but coming here for cool blogs and information one would (wrongly) assume this site is a sort of haven from idiocy.
I enjoy this site so much so that it is my homepage.
It is frustrating when there are people writing and actually providing meaningful content to the blog and then some unhappy guy, totally lacking provenance, comes along to cry like a little bitch and put people down. Don't you have some facebook site, where you're undoubtedly popular, to do that on? There is a time and place for things. You're out of your element on levels you can't begin to comprehend. [I've written a disclaimer for you to use on your blog entries. It is marked with an asterisk and can be found at the end of my reply.]
I'm seriously thinking of how one would go about developing code for a mozilla add-on that would filter stupidity. I will be a billionaire!
For now I have a little java script that allows me to blow it all to bits.
Has your day been made? It seems 10 minutes a day of my time makes your day. I don't mind doing this for you, I'm an altruistic sorta guy, dont ya think?
So, I again will refer you to the title of your inane blog. I've got some coding to get started on.
Cheers,
Dirty
*DISCLAIMER: I am suffering with myself and have no friggin' clue what I am talking about.
Is anyone else worried about this guy Dirty's stomach ulcers? I am not "Anonymous" by the way...
ReplyDeleteWell, counterfiter, imitation is a form of flattery right? Seems you've got yourself a fanboy. The notion that somebody would actually side with you is well... unbelievable. That's hilarious and still unbelievable. Is there a way to verify IP addresses and actually prove you aren't "anonymous"?
ReplyDeleteSee, somebody may be willing to converse with you in the universal language after all. Cool for you, a free bj.
My stomach is killing me.
hee hee: www.youtube.com/watch?v=SURma5PlfGs
ReplyDelete