Get The Party Started!...In a 70's bearskin rug kind of a way.......

I am vaguely thinking of hiring a lesbian bar and doing some DJing. What the friends of Dorothy will make of my selections I dread to think but I have a penchant for oily 1970's funk and if I wanted to cut a rug or munch some carpet here is what I would play....




1) M.F.S.B - Love Is The Message (Danny Krivit Special Edit)

This song has been remixed by all sorts of disco geniuses including Tom Molton, but Danny Krivit's version really hits the musical G Spot like stroking a 1970's hirsute pudenda. Its actually a blend of the original track, The Bottle by Gil Scott Heron and Oh I Love It (Love Break) by The Salsoul Orchestra into one seamless soundtrack to an evening of MDMA, jacuzzis, bubble bath and lady friends...Swiss Tony would approve.

2) Brass Construction - Movin'

Eight massive minutes of snaking synth, chicken clucking guitar and those huge soaring horns. Funk as designed by Richard Rodgers; if they ever made a blackploitation version of The Fountainhead (obviously unlikely I admit) this would be the soundtrack. You just strut to the bus stop with this on your 'phones, as if you were wearing a knee length chinchilla coat and platform shoes with live fish swimming in the heals.

3) Barry White - Let The Music Play

A classic from the walrus of love. Barry's best tracks are those with him talking or a little story line, this is about poor Barry having problems with "her indoor". She keeps lying on his bear skin rug and using all his baby oil so he has to go out to the local disco to dance his pain away.....and probably take a few grams of coke and get a blowy from a tranny.

4) James Brown - Papa Don't Take No Mess

On album this lasts fifteen minutes, this is the longest cut on YouTube I could find, but you can dig out the original and get lost in the hypnotic bottomless groove. If my son wrote a song this long and intense about me I would be like "right on sonny jim!"

5) The Fatback Band - Are You Ready (Do The Bus Stop)

I presume "The Bus Stop" is some kind of dance? It probably involves you standing gloomily in the freezing cold, reading an indicator that says 1 minute when in fact it means 15 minutes and then when the bus finally arrives not being able to get on after foolishly letting a Polish woman with five kids and two buggies get on in front of you.

6) Average White Band - Cut The Cake

I think the "cake" in question is a vagina but I could be wrong. These guys were all pale, freckly and Scottish so maybe it really is about cake??





7) William de Vaughn- Be Thankful for What You've Got

A silky smooth understated one off, after this hit the thoughtful Mr de Vaugh become a priest. It was for a long time the track I would use to slide into an evening of narcotics. Also covered by Massive Attack...it was roobish....Bonus points if you can tell me if he is brandishing a paint brush or a really long thin lipstick on the cover? If its lippy maybe a sign of his future calling?

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8) Donald Byrd - Places & Spaces

Awesome cinematic jazz funk monster. So many fantastic moods and colours like Niko Niko's cart wheel sized £60 sushi mixed selection plate...Am I the only person who wants to eat that much sushi in a sitting? If anyone wants to help me polish it off contact me at the LSS office with the code words "Buurrd?...Yeah!"

9) Gene Ammons - Jungle Strut

Some hipper than hip soul jazz to cool the evening off as you start to wonder if you should take that extra line you promised yourself you wouldn't do....as covered by Santana...it was roobish.




10) Detroit Emeralds - Feel The Need

Fucking amazing in its original form, mustachioed remix wizard Tom Molton just did the simple trick of making it much much longer....and God looked down and said it was good.

Bonus tracks

11) The Trammps - Hold Back The Night

As all albums seem to have a useless "bonus" track tacked on these days I decided to break the mold and add a good one. This one is to be listened to as you take the first of many night buses home, drunk, depressed you didn't pull despite having made a point of cleaning your ears with cotton buds and knowing you will have to talk to a very hyper skin head about Hitler all the way to Old Street.

If you don't like any of these tracks...its your choice, but at least do me the favour of not voting for David Cameron.


maningrey