Inspired by the Cannibal Corpse classic "They Deserve To Die" I decided to ignore the obvious candidates such as Hitler and David Cameron (mainly because they are both already dead, even if its just behind the eyes) and focus on music related criminals as this is after all a music related blog and not just for me to sound off on....
In no particular order:
Who deserves to die?
Players of fretless basses or the Chapman Stick (the fucking awful guitar bass mutant that various cunts have started busking with, I thought there was a talent test for buskers now?).
Exceptions?
No! Hit the fucking road Jaco!
Who deserves to die?
Anyone in a band with hair that looks like its been styled.
Exceptions?
The lead guitar guy out of Slade.
Who deserves to die?
Anyone in a band with hair that is an unkempt mess.
Exceptions?
Me because I found out that if your mother's dad kept his hair you do to.
Who deserves to die?
People who say they like all music or when you ask them to name a favorite band say "oh man thats like a really difficult questions", no it isn't you cunt. Off the top of my head in real time I love:
Aerosmith: Rocks
Dinosaur Jr: You're Living All Over me
Funkadelic: Free Your Mind and Your As Will Follow
Morbid Angel: Altar of Madness
Public Enemy: Fear of A Black Plant
See easy, now fuck off...
Exceptions?
No, in fact lets just say everyone who says they "love music" should be given the bullet...Actually maybe my friend Str8 who does genuinely seem to like ALL music. I've heard him go from James Chance to Patrice Rushen and he describes Abba as "gangsta"...
Who deserves to die?
White people who list Public Enemy as a favorite album and people who think they like reggae because they own an eight track of "Legend". Any musical "best album of all time blah blah" list that has token Rap, Reggae or Funk releases, if I see Exodus, It Takes a Nation Of Millions or Songs in The Key Of Life in another otherwise completely white stadium rock list I will become a murderer.
Exceptions?
No! Infact any list that has Revolver, Pet Sounds, Dark Side, Any Dylan and is then inevitably topped by OK "I wont be buying your recordings after this one" Computer. You should only read lists compiled with care and attention by Maningrey TM because they are tasty but miraculously also good for you like the delicious mulches my girlfriend eats.
Who deserves to die?
Any act that The Guardian might review.
Exceptions?
Ornette Coleman because he has a girls name.
Who deserves to die?
Any indie band who tell you their new album is influenced by - insert incredibly obvious record you have listened to for years - and that this feat makes them incredibly dangerous and daring and if it wasn't for them discovering this album beer would turn to blood in your glass and locusts would descend on the village bowling green and strip it bare. Any mention of Beefheart, Miles Davis, general Techno, Kraftwerk, My Life in The Bush Of Ghosts, Krautrock etc bores me to suicide, yours not mine.
Exceptions?
To be fair Radiohead droning on about Art Ensemble of Chicago made me buy a copy...it was toss...
Who deserves to die?
Music genres that either force woman to dress as prostitutes (R&B, "kiddy" pop) or make them dress like crack addicted bag ladies (metal/goth). Every time some pop star who should know better, thanks Maddona, goes on about how appearing with your arse hanging out is "empowering" for women you can hear the rumble of hooves of the horse that rode down Emily Davison now stampeding over woman's struggle for equality. All this getting your jugs out certainly helped empower Britney Spears I must say...empowered her all the way to the barbers...As for goth I hate seeing a lovely fresh faced child who should be out having fun with big mascara stains on her face, a home made tattoo still weeping pus and Burger King bag filled with the churning vomit of her inevitably lanky spotty black clad boyf, you can do so much better dear...
Exceptions?
Some goth girls look fit in their corsets...
Who deserves to die?
Anyone who goes on about a gig like it was a life changing event, it wasn't it was just four cunts playing a shit song you could have written. Also people who come up to me at gigs and start talking to me, like just because we both happen to enjoy such and such band, by some amazing coincidence, we have loads in common...We don't! Fuck off...
Exceptions?
Maybe someone who saw Can, Hendrix or Take That in their prime, that may have been life changing...
Who deserves to die?
Any bands who have a song called "Jailbait".
Exceptions?
Well I still like Motorhead despite the offense, at least its just a bonus track on No Sleep 'Til Hammersmith and I can turn off the album before it offends.
Who deserves to die?
People who can't distinguish between a good early period of a band and a shit later period but judge all the bands work on the later disasters. Acts in question include Aerosmith (Rocks and Draw the Line are pure punk, Love in A Elevator is like having coke blown up your urethra and not in a good way), ZZ Top (Tush, Jesus Just Left Chicago, Cheap Sunglasses, Rapemen covered Just Got paid for gods sake! All the other records people actually bought...shit), Yes (Close to The Edge, more genuinely bananas than anything Four Tet has done...all the rest should be buried alive), Bowie (everything up to Lodger is amazing, everything after Lodger has a fake tan and scary white fang caps).
Exceptions?
Some acts are totally shit whatever era: Dylan, Fleetwood Mac, Pink Floyd etc...
Who deserves to die?
People who think they have musical talent, you don't, now just leave...
Exceptions?
Me again, I was young and misguided like a celebrity who did nudey shots that come back to haunt them.
Now die like a dog...
maningrey
"They Deserve To Die!!!!" > read the full post
